The day before my mother’s murder, then and now.

June 15, 2006

I woke up, got dressed. I think I wore a blue sparkly tank top from Target with a white skirt. I went to my cousin’s middle school graduation. My cousin’s and I were super close at that time, they were always over at my house and I used to take my little cousin to school each morning in my mustang convertible. It was a celebratory time, as graduations usually are.¬† My mom was mad that she couldn’t attend because of work, but she had the next day, Friday, off of work to go to her brother’s graduation. We went to lunch, I think it was at Islands but I can’t remember for sure. Then we went to see Cars in the theatre. Continue reading “The day before my mother’s murder, then and now.”

It’s a wrap- May 2018. Masturbation, Sexting & THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING

May was masturbation month, and boy did I do a lot of it! Why?

MayWrapUp1
me with my teacher’s pointer on Chaturbate.

Well, I got a lovely box to review which came with my new favorite toy¬†(keep an eye out for my review coming up in two weeks!). Every time a company sends me a new vibrator, it quickly becomes my new favorite(LOL). I think it’s because I still have about 10 toys altogether. I’m a newbie. A very happy, easy to impress newbie. I’m sure that will change with time and I will eventually find a vibrator I don’t like.

I also made my grand return back to Chaturbate and have been webcamming again. This also led to tons of masturbation, most of the time with an audience. So I think Masturbation May went quite well on my end! Continue reading “It’s a wrap- May 2018. Masturbation, Sexting & THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING”

My Astrology Reading + a GIVEAWAY, yay!

astrology1I’ve been interested in astrology for a very long time. Mostly just me reading my weekly horoscope, looking up zodiac compatibility, or laughing over my typical Leo traits. When I started seeing people talking about their birth charts and moon/sun/rising signs (seems like it’s happening more and more these days, or maybe I’m just starting to notice the rise in popularity), I tried to google my own and kept getting confused by all the information.

The last few years of my healing journey, I’ve been open to basically anything that helps me better understand myself, so this was right up my alley. Thankfully, Natha and I followed each other on Instagram and started to talk about a reading. Continue reading “My Astrology Reading + a GIVEAWAY, yay!”

Mental Health Diaries: Safe Spaces

Safe Spaces Part 1: They don’t exist

Content Warning: trauma, murder, vivid descriptions of mental health/illness, suicidal ideation

I witnessed my mothers murder in 2006. I was also stabbed during the break-in. It was the worst night of my life, as you could have guessed. This one night, one event, one hour of my life, changed every single thing. It has managed to affect it all in some way, great or small. I feel like before I begin any story about this, I have to go back in detail about the crime itself. I know, though, that I cannot each time. Today I want to tell you- or show you, rather- about safe spaces, how I rejected them, and how I learned to find them once more after developing PTSD. Continue reading “Mental Health Diaries: Safe Spaces”

The Never-Ending Healing Work

URGROWING

{CW: Rape, Murder, Trauma}

Last Monday I was talking to my sex coach as I do each week. We were talking about my masturbation and sex issues that we have been working on. I kept saying “Penetration hurts me”… but I know that it doesn’t (There are several reasons it might hurt folks, I am not saying to ignore it if this sounds like you- just sayin’ that’s not the core issue for me right now). It doesn’t physically hurt me, it mentally hurts me. My mental pain mimics physical pain often, but I am usually aware of where it’s coming from if I stop long enough to listen.

I kept asking her “but why now? Why after I’ve enjoyed it for so long?” and she reminded me that trauma resurfaces when it’s safe to do so. For so long I wasn’t in a safe environment. Continue reading “The Never-Ending Healing Work”

Things I Love Thursday- Part 1 SEX POSITIVE SWAG

I have been wanting to start this segment on my blog since before I even had one… literally years. I found¬†Things I Love Thursday¬†(also known as TILT!) from Katy Maher on¬†I Got a Dumpster Family.¬†So, now here I am with my very own blog but hardly the time to write in it (or possibly just lacking time management skills tbh.)

This post has been marinating in my head for, oh… I dunno, three weeks… FINALLY, I AM EXCITED TO PRESENT YOU WITH MY FIRST¬†THINGS I LOVE THURSDAY.
Continue reading “Things I Love Thursday- Part 1 SEX POSITIVE SWAG”