My Astrology Reading + a GIVEAWAY, yay!

astrology1I’ve been interested in astrology for a very long time. Mostly just me reading my weekly horoscope, looking up zodiac compatibility, or laughing over my typical Leo traits. When I started seeing people talking about their birth charts and moon/sun/rising signs (seems like it’s happening more and more these days, or maybe I’m just starting to notice the rise in popularity), I tried to google my own and kept getting confused by all the information.

The last few years of my healing journey, I’ve been open to basically anything that helps me better understand myself, so this was right up my alley. Thankfully, Natha and I followed each other on Instagram and started to talk about a reading. Continue reading “My Astrology Reading + a GIVEAWAY, yay!”

EMDR: “I did the best I could”

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4/23/2018 just before EMDR session

*Content Warning: PTSD, homicide, trauma*

My first EMDR session:

The memory we are working with today is the most terrifying memory I have from the night of my mom’s murder/my attempted murder, it is the moment the stranger in my house enters my mother’s room where we were both at.

My therapist asked me a few weeks ago what the hardest part of the whole night was, and I was stumped. No one has ever asked me that before. The whole night is so fucking horrifying and surreal, it almost feels insulting to ask what the worst part was. I had to think a moment, but I was honest with my therapist.

I want to say the hardest part is watching my mom get stabbed. But that would be a lie.” Continue reading “EMDR: “I did the best I could””

Mental Health Diaries: PTSD & meeting myself where I left off

The first few years after my mom’s murder I call ‘blackout years’, I don’t remember too many details about life at that time. My only goal was to survive. I completed my first year of college right before her death, so naturally, I tried carrying on with school and other things 18-year old’s do. The first class I signed up for was a photography class, I thought it would be an easy entry back into school after my life had changed so much (I also had a crush on a lovely girl who told me she was signed up for that class if I’m being honest, but hey, whatever works, right?). Continue reading “Mental Health Diaries: PTSD & meeting myself where I left off”

The Never-Ending Healing Work

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{CW: Rape, Murder, Trauma}

Last Monday I was talking to my sex coach as I do each week. We were talking about my masturbation and sex issues that we have been working on. I kept saying “Penetration hurts me”… but I know that it doesn’t (There are several reasons it might hurt folks, I am not saying to ignore it if this sounds like you- just sayin’ that’s not the core issue for me right now). It doesn’t physically hurt me, it mentally hurts me. My mental pain mimics physical pain often, but I am usually aware of where it’s coming from if I stop long enough to listen.

I kept asking her “but why now? Why after I’ve enjoyed it for so long?” and she reminded me that trauma resurfaces when it’s safe to do so. For so long I wasn’t in a safe environment. Continue reading “The Never-Ending Healing Work”

Clarity & Intention- Hello 2018

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What better way to ring in the New Year & release my blog than with some good old clarity and intention setting. Last year was rough for pretty much everyone I know, but even despite the chaos, there were plenty of learning and growing moments that I am {mostly} thankful for.

I am answering the questions from “Seven Questions to End 2017 with Clarity and Start 2018 with Intention” by Courtney E. Martin. Every year I swear that I won’t make resolutions, but these questions can’t hurt, right? Continue reading “Clarity & Intention- Hello 2018”